I have a heavy heart, and I need your advice. I usually think advice is for receiving permission for the feelings I'm having. Isn't that why we sometimes ask for advice, honestly? We wait to hear what we want... and the person that said it is the one that's "right". But this time I really do want your advice. I need you to tell me what to do. (You're welcome :P)
I have a "friend" that's getting married in a few short weeks. I say "friend" because I'm not really sure that's what we are anymore.
This "friend" was my world. We were friends for a decade. We'd known each other in high school (we went to different high schools), but we weren't friends. The summer we graduated high school she and I both worked at the same camp. And from that moment on we were best friends. After college we were inseparable. There was hardly a day that went by that we didn't see each other. And absolutely never a day without speaking. She was like an aunt to Jacob. They adored each other. He loved her so much.
About a year after I was placed on disability (around 2003) things changed between us. And it wasn't because I was sick. This girl took care of me surgery after surgery. I mean took.care. of me! She lived in my house, cooked, cleaned, helped take care of Jacob, waited on me, cleaned up after me, wiped up after I was violently ill, woke up in the wee hours of the morning to take care of my IV/ PICC line, prayed for/with me and just sat up with me when I couldn't sleep.
She was no stranger to my illness. She had been there from spinal surgeries to brain operations. From having to make sure I didn't get out of bed or lift my head/body more than 5 degrees to washing the dried blood from the incisions off of my shaved head. She was my rock!
Suddenly... and I mean suddenly! things felt different. She didn't come over as often. We didn't talk on the phone. We would see her once a week for an hour if we were lucky. Then nothing.
I haven't talked to her for almost four years. We have seen each other in Target a few times, but nothing other than that. I wrote her a letter once telling her how I felt. She replied with three sentences. Nothing more. Ever.
Until... once a few years ago she invited Jacob and me to go out to eat with her family for her birthday. (We didn't go... I was too sick and Jacob already had plans.) Then in August she knocked on my door.
She came in, and we chit chatted. It was a little uncomfortable... awkward. After about a half hour of small talk she told me she wanted to talk about something. Finally... I thought.
She met someone online and was getting married. She said she wanted to be the one to tell me and not have me hear it from someone else. Hmm... not at all what I expected.
Then I received my wedding invitation. So did my parents. And my second family. (My twin from another mother, Brandi, and her family!) Weird! We... NONE OF US... had heard from this friend in for.ever. They were cut off when I was cut off! My mom and I received a bridal shower invitation. We didn't go. I wasn't feeling well that weekend. And honestly, it was the day of the shower before I realized it.
Now the wedding's upon us, and I'm torn. I'm torn between the girl I used to know and the one that is today.
Are we friends? Because I no longer thought we were. And not that I didn't want or NEED her friendship. She chose it, not me!
And if we are friends... where was she when my daddy and Jacob's papaw (his "Buddy") was fighting a war in Afghanistan? Where was she when my mom and Jacob's mamaw was so ill that we thought we were going to lose her? Where was she when I... Jacob's mommy... had brain operation number 8, 9 and 10? Where? Because I never needed her more?!
I don't understand why that now she's getting married we're suddenly friends. And though I really don't want to believe it, but maybe she just wants the gift. I mean... the last time she contacted me was for her birthday. I want to believe she just wanted to share that time with us. But like I said... she's not the same girl I knew and loved.
I'm so confused. Truly hurt and confused. I want to go. I want to be there and witness her wedding day. I want to show her how much she means to me. But I also can't handle another broken heart! And I don't want that for Jacob, either.
Can you help me? What do I do? What do you think? Help me, friends! Please pray for this situation!