Snickerdoodles

The 4-1-1

I know it's been a long time. Another long, unplanned absence. I'm sorry!

I can't be on here long. I can only give snippets of information at this time. It just hurts too much to type, and I can't see very well.

I found out in December that I'm losing my peripheral vision. I had my annual field of vision test (my normal hour and a half visit of tests, dilation, more tests, more dilation...), and the doctor was alarmed with the amount of peripheral vision I have lost since last year.

Bummer!

I was sick most of the winter. Sick, sick. Cold, flu, bronchitis, sinus infection (and let me tell you a sinus infection on top the increased pressure in my head is NOT pretty!), walking pneumonia... that type of sick. It was a really bad winter, and I'm glad it's over!

My head aches have been worse. The pain is unbearable. The doctor has been trying different meds to help ease the pain. So far no luck!

My pseudotumor symptoms are getting BAD. I'm more confused. I'm misplacing items. I am having difficulty remembering things. I am having difficulty finding words or finishing thoughts. I am dizzy and have difficulty walking. I'm falling. I'm not sleeping. I'm going to bed and waking up with jeans and a sweater and shoes on. I'm getting dressed with my underclothes on the outside. My vision is blurry. I'm having trouble seeing. I'm having severe eye pressure and actual eye pain. I'm having spinal fluid leak from my ears. Etc...

I got in to see the doctor yesterday, and I'm having surgery tomorrow morning. I'm not thrilled with having to have brain surgery number 11 (out of 27 operations overall). But I am very eager to have this operation as I am VERY worried about my vision. As I've discussed before... vision loss is irreversible and can even lead to blindness.

I trust God has this all planned out, and I am safe in His arms! "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29: 11.

I am looking forward to sharing God's blessings with you! I'll try to update you soon.

love and hugs...
kimmy

I Am Blessed!

Well, I wasn't going to post today. I was just going to sit back and chill like I have been all week. And by chill I mean take the pain medicine the doctor prescribes, sit back in my new over sized chair/ottoman my parents just bought me and watch tv.

I chill well. :)

Today's my (*cough* 32nd *cough*) birthday. And I want to share with you what a wonderful son I have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacob got ready for school this morning in a flash. Usually he ddrrrrrrraaaaaaagggggggsss it out. But today he was right on it. I never thought a thing of it.

I did enjoy his good mood. Usually he wakes up grumpy. And that doesn't mix well with me. I've always been a morning person and never understood the problem with waking up thankful and cheerful. But over the years as my pain has increased... morning is VERY difficult for me. I hurt so bad that I just can't take anything other than what I'm dealing with.

I know it sounds terrible. Mornings are bad. And when Jacob's in a grumpy mood we usually don't speak much outside of a little small talk and 20 "I love you's".

But this morning Jacob was so up beat and positive. And that alone was a wonderful gift! But he wasn't finished yet...

He gave me this yummy new Vera Bradly purse (in Mod Floral Pink):

And this delicious sterling silver and mother of pearl cuff watch:

But my all time favorite... and gift enough for every birthday to follow!

("I could never thank you enough for all the things you've done for me...")

(I cut it off because he always writes his first AND last name. Which is a good thing. I don't wanna confuse him with that OTHER Jacob! :p)

My FAVORITE part... the part that had the tears rolling...

"We always have our ups and downs, but we always breakthrough.
I know how much you love me, but do you know how much I love you?
I love you more than anything else in the world.
I hope you know that even if I seem like I'm mad before school when I leave I think of all the fun things we've done in the past, and it always makes me laugh.
Sometimes I think of something funny at school, and I always chuckle or laugh loudly at school!
I love you very much!! =)"

*sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob* *sob*

And in true Jacob and Kimmy fashion... one sentimental card and one funny card.

Inside he wrote: "Because I KNOW how much you love O.J. Simpson :)"
Too funny!

See! I am truly, TRULY blessed!!!!

And for you, my dearest Jacob...

I love you more my than our dvr! (Jacob and I always tell one another we love the other more than our favorite things. You know... like "Jacob, I love you more than a bean burrito plus sour cream from Taco Bell" :p)

And I know you love me more than football!

Every day I thank God for giving me YOU!!!!! You are, have been and always will be my greatest gift!

Dear (blogger) Abby,

I have a heavy heart, and I need your advice. I usually think advice is for receiving permission for the feelings I'm having. Isn't that why we sometimes ask for advice, honestly? We wait to hear what we want... and the person that said it is the one that's "right". But this time I really do want your advice. I need you to tell me what to do. (You're welcome :P)

I have a "friend" that's getting married in a few short weeks. I say "friend" because I'm not really sure that's what we are anymore.

This "friend" was my world. We were friends for a decade. We'd known each other in high school (we went to different high schools), but we weren't friends. The summer we graduated high school she and I both worked at the same camp. And from that moment on we were best friends. After college we were inseparable. There was hardly a day that went by that we didn't see each other. And absolutely never a day without speaking. She was like an aunt to Jacob. They adored each other. He loved her so much.

About a year after I was placed on disability (around 2003) things changed between us. And it wasn't because I was sick. This girl took care of me surgery after surgery. I mean took.care. of me! She lived in my house, cooked, cleaned, helped take care of Jacob, waited on me, cleaned up after me, wiped up after I was violently ill, woke up in the wee hours of the morning to take care of my IV/ PICC line, prayed for/with me and just sat up with me when I couldn't sleep.

She was no stranger to my illness. She had been there from spinal surgeries to brain operations. From having to make sure I didn't get out of bed or lift my head/body more than 5 degrees to washing the dried blood from the incisions off of my shaved head. She was my rock!

Suddenly... and I mean suddenly! things felt different. She didn't come over as often. We didn't talk on the phone. We would see her once a week for an hour if we were lucky. Then nothing.

I haven't talked to her for almost four years. We have seen each other in Target a few times, but nothing other than that. I wrote her a letter once telling her how I felt. She replied with three sentences. Nothing more. Ever.

Until... once a few years ago she invited Jacob and me to go out to eat with her family for her birthday. (We didn't go... I was too sick and Jacob already had plans.) Then in August she knocked on my door.

She came in, and we chit chatted. It was a little uncomfortable... awkward. After about a half hour of small talk she told me she wanted to talk about something. Finally... I thought.

She met someone online and was getting married. She said she wanted to be the one to tell me and not have me hear it from someone else. Hmm... not at all what I expected.

Then I received my wedding invitation. So did my parents. And my second family. (My twin from another mother, Brandi, and her family!) Weird! We... NONE OF US... had heard from this friend in for.ever. They were cut off when I was cut off! My mom and I received a bridal shower invitation. We didn't go. I wasn't feeling well that weekend. And honestly, it was the day of the shower before I realized it.

Now the wedding's upon us, and I'm torn. I'm torn between the girl I used to know and the one that is today.

Are we friends? Because I no longer thought we were. And not that I didn't want or NEED her friendship. She chose it, not me!

And if we are friends... where was she when my daddy and Jacob's papaw (his "Buddy") was fighting a war in Afghanistan? Where was she when my mom and Jacob's mamaw was so ill that we thought we were going to lose her? Where was she when I... Jacob's mommy... had brain operation number 8, 9 and 10? Where? Because I never needed her more?!

I don't understand why that now she's getting married we're suddenly friends. And though I really don't want to believe it, but maybe she just wants the gift. I mean... the last time she contacted me was for her birthday. I want to believe she just wanted to share that time with us. But like I said... she's not the same girl I knew and loved.

I'm so confused. Truly hurt and confused. I want to go. I want to be there and witness her wedding day. I want to show her how much she means to me. But I also can't handle another broken heart! And I don't want that for Jacob, either.

Can you help me? What do I do? What do you think? Help me, friends! Please pray for this situation!

A Boy's Dream

On Saturday my twin sister from another mother, Brandi, came down to visit. Even though I didn't feel like it, I talked myself into getting out of the house. (Where I've stayed for months... minus Jacob's birthday lunch.) We (Brandi, Jacob, his buddy Ethan and I) decided to join the rest of the crazy shoppers in an attempt to boost the nations economy. You know... take one for the team :P

Our first stop... TARGET! Our favorite getaway!!!!

Jacob and Ethan were standing in the pajama department as they waited for me to drag myself away from the clearance rack. (Target clearance = my obsession.)

Two 12 year old boys in the middle of robes, pajamas and nighties. Yeah. You guessed it!

Ethan held up a nightie

and said, "See! Now when I get married this is what my wife's gonna wear."

Jacob, not to be outdone, picked up a different nightie.

"Yeah, well my wife's gonna wear this. It's got ventage, AND it's see through!"
(Yeah. Ventage. As in tiny little holes in the material. My boy.)

Just when I was about to stuff a sock in their mouths Ethan grabbed another pair of pajamas...

and said, "Now, she won't be wearin' these. No girl should be wearing these."

I lost it. I laughed so hard.

Partly because those boys are just hilarious!

Partly because they're going to be SORELY disappointed!

And partly because I was thinking, "Man, those flannel pajamas look comfy!" :P I guess that says a lot about me and my life :D

8 Things (About Me) Meme

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! May we all be truly thankful this day and always!

Remember... You can be disappointed with your life and still be grateful!

Well... Emily from The Sassy Lime was the first to tag me. And I couldn't say, "Not it!" I've been sitting on base for almost a year now. It's my turn. Probably for the next 287 memes ;)

So... for the 8 things you didn't know about me meme...

1. I just received the first season of Hazel on DVD and CANNOT WAIT to watch it!!!!! I *heart* Hazel! "Mr. B!" (For those of you that don't know Hazel *gasp* "Mr. B" is NOT a bad word. :p)

2. I find it very difficult to watch a television without a DVR. I'm an addict. They tried to make me go to rehab I said, "No, no, no."

3. Jacob and I can't get enough Human Tetris! Have you watched them? Hilarious! I could watch all.day.long.

4. I l.o.v.e Pushing Daisies. It's the best. Watch it!

5. Fall is my favorite time of year. I'm still looking for that place where it's fall year 'round. Some say I wouldn't love it so much if I had it all the time. I say... try me!

6. I dress Snickers (our Fox Terrier) in a sweater and booties when it's cold outside. And a raincoat and booties when it's raining. She was Dorothy on Halloween! :)

And you can tell by the look on her face... She hates me. :p

7. I love watching videos on YouTube with Jacob. Just the two of us. I love that time with him! We sit at the computer and take turns picking videos to watch together. We try to outdo each other every time. A few days ago I made him watch Hangin' Tough. I was in love with New Kids on the Block!!! (Come on... I was in 7th grade :p) Jacob was embarrassed... for me :)

8. I love Sarah McLachlan. And I LOVE her video for World On Fire. Watch it... you'll love it, too!

Wow... this really turned out to be a video celebration ;)

A ~~NOT IT~~ thank you to Emily, who tagged me!
Start running people. I'm tagging...

* Go Forth &...
* Nothing Heavy
* Paisley Propaganda
* A Day in the Life of Veronika
* Flip-Flop Floozie
* Pink Chihuahua Princess
* a Kiss, a Hug, a Squeeze
* Fireflies and Frogs

When tagged, you must list the person who tagged you, post the rules and list 8 or so people at the end of the post.

It's Been a Long, Long Time

I can't believe how long it has been since I've been here. Nine months. No baby, but a lot has changed!

I'm just going to give some highlights. If I give the details I'll never get this thing posted.

First, I want to thank you for your emails. They mean a lot to me!

Please forgive me for scaring you by my long absence and thank you for understanding. You're awesome!

*The biggest news... Jacob and I moved in with my mom and daddy. We moved in June 16. We're still adjusting, but we love it. (And I never thought I'd say that!)

*I'm no longer taking Lyrica. Thank you, Jesus! One huge reason I wasn't posting was because of my illness and severe side effects from this medicine. Swelling, difficulty breathing, petechiae, difficulty walking, difficulty talking, inability to write or use my right arm.

I suffered an increase in my Pseudotumor symptoms. My neurologist refused to believe the symptoms were due to Lyrica and was adamant the problem was literally in my head. But I demanded he wean me off. I was on such a high dose that it took me almost 7 months to get off the medicine. Within a matter of the first month of weaning I noticed a decrease in the symptoms. Hmm... who was right?!

*I handed my computer over to my mom's co-worker to fix some major computer problems and install a new hard drive. I was without my computer for months!!!! I hated it. My computer's still not completely fixed, but it's much better. And I still have the 75,000 pictures I was afraid I'd lost!

*Jacob turned 12 recently. That was tough. Not that I don't see him every single day. Not that I don't notice that his feet are bigger than mine or that the pants he wore last spring look like high waters. Or that I have to LOOK UP at him. I guess it's just because the number is so close to TEEN. :(

I have so much more to say. I'll get it in another time. I promise!

Thank you for your friendship!

SuperBowl 41, Baby!!!!!

29-17...

Yay COLTS!!!!!!!

We're so EXCITED and VERY PROUD!!!!!!

Proud of all the players. Proud of their attitude and their projections. Proud of Peyton. He is a humble man and credits his team always!

And, of course, Tony Dungy. He deserves this. He has so much to offer... hopefully many will learn from his actions!

My favorite speech from Tony Dungy...

"I'm proud to be representing African-American coaches to be the first African-American to win this. That means an awful lot to our country, but again more than anything, I said it before, Lovey Smith and I not only the first two African-Americans, but Christian coaches showin' that you can win doin' it the Lord's way. We're more proud of that."

Amen coach!

Dolphin Stadium in Miami, FL

February 4, 2007
The Indianapolis Colts hold hands in prayer
after winning Super Bowl XLI 29-17 over the Chicago Bears.
Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty
(I received this in an email. It says it all!)

It's About Time... It's Our Time!!!!!!

Way to go COLTS!!!

What a great team. What a great game. What a great WIN over the Patriots... 38-34... after being down 21-6 at half-time. Awesome, awesome game!

Personally, though I'm glad to see the entire COLTS team move on to Super Bowl 41, I am SO PROUD for Peyton Manning and Coach Dungy. These two men have worked so hard and deserve so much.

My heart goes out to Tony Dungy who just last year lost his oldest son to suicide. This has to feel so good for him emotionally. Then again I'm sure it rips his heart not being able to share this great moment with his beloved son, James.

Tony Dungy is a wonderful man, coach and Christian. I'm so proud he's humbly leading our COLTS to victory and our country through history as one of the first black coaches to make it to the Super Bowl. One of the first black coaches... because this year TWO black coaches leave their marks on football history! (I say "black" because my daddy doesn't like to be called "African American"...) Lovie Smith said it best, "I hope for a day when it is unnoticed... but that day isn't here."

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Happy Birthday, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

(If video does not play try this.)

(Read Dr. Martin Luther King's entire "I Have a Dream" speech.)

"With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, From every mountainside, let freedom ring! And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last!

Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Help Build the Dream!

Baylie for Brains

My heart is full of a little girl I've never met. A little girl that touched my heart in such a way I seem to be living and fighting for her. And in turn I'm fighting for myself.

Baylie is a little girl I "ran into" while surfing the web. I learned that she not only has two of the rare brain diseases I have, but she's only 7 years old.

Baylie decided that she wouldn't stand for brain tumor like symptoms, the constant and terrible headaches (and neck and back pain... pain all over at times) or any other yucky symptom that reared its ugly little head. She instead decided to raise money for research. Research that is to date NONEXISTENT. (And I've been diagnosed for over 17 years!!!)

She started coloring pictures and sold them at garage sales. Then quickly turned to making bracelets. Little beaded bracelets that have earned $100,000 toward research for Pseudotumor Cerebri and Arnold Chiari Malformation.

Baylie has touched my heart so. Though I know my diseases are too far along for a cure... Baylie's aren't. She can live a normal and pain-free life if a cure is found. And so can many others because of her efforts.

My tiny little post about Baylie is nothing wonderful. It was written in a rush and a flood of emotions. It jumps around and is far from well written, but it's from the heart. My post's about a little girl with so much hope, a little girl with big arms who embraces so many... a little girl who deserves to know peace.

(For updates and ordering info click here!)