Friday, March 31, 2006

Friday Funny... Out of the Mouths of Babes!

The Way Children See Things!
(an email I received)


I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!


My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it
in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming
little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in
the toilet a few days ago.


On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are
not necessarily those of his parents."


A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."

More Nudity

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and
then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"


While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The
various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs,
unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"

Dress Up

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache
the next morning."


While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into the hole
he gooooes."


A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"


A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had
been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

*** Kelly or as I so lovingly call her- NyQuil Lovin' Nello launched her new design business. Go check her out! And get in line for a blog makeover! She's simply the best ;) ***

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thirteen things I love about my son, Jacob:

1. He does the white man rap... well.

2. He is silly and makes me laugh.

3. He's not ashamed of his body... and proves that by stripping down to his skivvies the moment he walks in the door after school.

4. His curls.

5. He laughs at me. And my silly stories and jokes.

6. The way he talks and plays and cuddles with Doodlebug. He's a good big brother. (I love this picture. Jacob's arm around Snick. Snick's leg around Rufus. I smile every single time.)

7. He loves to eat breakfast foods for dinner.

8. He HAS to eat three meals a day. And when noon strikes it's ALWAYS lunchtime. Even if he just ate at 10!

9. His laugh. He laughs with his whole body. Just like me.

10. He thinks laundry is fun. (He'll make a great husband some day!)

11. He is always excited to see "Army Guys". And still calls them that.

12. He calls me before he goes to bed and when he wakes up when he's staying the night somewhere. Just to check on me.

13. He hasn't made a mark on my couch! ;)

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My new couch. My Christmas present from Mom and Daddy. Yeah. Christmas was three months ago. Mom and I couldn't coordinate our "feel good" days. (She is now eating, and her PICC line has been removed!!!! Her color is better and her face is filling out. Read this to learn about Mom's health problems.) So Friday afternoon my parents talked me into going couch hunting. 2+ hours later... I found it. Baby blue microsuede. With pretty green pillows. Mmm. And just my luck. They were able to deliver the very next morning. Yippy!
My friend bought me this coffee table Saturday afternoon. Yes. Another late Christmas present. So. I like to drag things out ;) It can be raised up... so we can eat comfortably right in front of the t.v. :p I love Christmas in March!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Did I ever tell you about my symptoms?

(Continued from last week)

Symptoms due to Pseudotumor Cerebri for me are similar to a brain tumor:

*Blurred vision/vision changes... I am very lucky to still have 20/20 vision. I did have better than 20/20 and feel like my vision is worse than it is. (Most with this disease have problems only with their eyes- decreased vision leading to blindness and "slight headaches".) I have my vision checked yearly and thorough testing done twice a year.



*Gait problems

*Memory loss


*Difficulty finishing sentences/thoughts

*Difficulty finding words


*Swelling and pain/stiffness in my extremities

I like to blame my weight gain and everything else on this problem as well... why not? It's to blame for every thing else! Brain problems! ;)

*Pressure in my head. (Due to the increased CSF). It's like a water bottle that's already full, but water continues to pour in... the bottle's closed so no fluid can escape and the sides are already expanded as far as they can go.

*CSF leaks from my ears.

*"Woosh" sound in my ears. The sound of CSF in my head.

*Extreme pressure behind my eyes. It feels like if I could only pull my eyeballs out that would help so much. I do "stretch" my eyes. I look from side to side forcing my eyes to move as far as they can to attempt to relieve the pain. I've been doing this since 13. People who don't know me think I'm either weird or rude. (This doesn't happen everyday. Just when the pain's too intense... maybe every other day :p)

*Headaches. Severe and at times debilitating headaches. (Also due to TMJ, Arnold Chiari Malformation and Greater Occipital Neuralgia)

*Neck pain. (Also due to Arnold Chiari Malformation and Greater Occipital Neuralgia. The pain is so intense at times I cannot turn my head. I become so tense my shoulders draw up to my ears, and I hunch over to sort of cradle my head and neck. I have to use my entire body to turn my head. But since the shots in the Greater Occipital Nerve I've noticed a huge difference and am able to keep my shoulders down and relaxed more!)

*Shoulder and back pain Part of this pain is due to the reaction of my head/neck pain... and from doing nothing but sitting 24/7 for the past 4+ years.
Part of the back pain is due to pieces of an old LP shunt that disintegrated and broke apart when the surgeon tried to remove it and continues to "float" in my spinal column.

More next week. What fun! ;)

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Friday, March 24, 2006

Friday Funny

Woman's Yearly Exam

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with the basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"115," I say.

The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 foot 8," I say.

The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5'5".

She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I scream, "When I came in here I was tall
and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Thirteen names we have for our dog:

1. Snickers (Her real name. Jacob picked it.)

2. Snick(s)

3. Snickerdoodle (Yes. She was the inspiration for our blog name ;) )

4. Snickadick (That name popped out of my mouth accidentally one day... and it stuck.)

5. Nickers

6. Doodlebug

7. Doodle

8. Princess (She thinks she is one!)

9. Baby Girl

10. Stinker

11. DumbDog (with affection)

12. Turd (What my daddy calls her. One evening I was making dinner while Jacob watched Family Feud. The question was, "A word that rhymes with 'word'." I kept yelling out, "Turd!". Every time I did Snickers would run to me in the kitchen. After about the third time I realized what she was doing. ;)

13. Skittles (My grandma insists that's her name. I used to try to correct her. But she still calls her Skittles. My uncle makes fun of her so now he calls Snick "Milky Way". At least they're all sweet names ;) )

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I posted these before. They're just too funny.
Jacob was searching for The Ultimate Showdown the other day. Don't judge me! ;)
And I love THIS! I was reminded of it while visiting Mike today. It takes awhile to load... but it's worth it! Enjoy ;)

Have you heard of BlogMad? They opened their doors to the public last night. No invitation needed. Go check it out. It's pretty cool. You can play games and surf random blogs to earn points. And cash in points to play the lottery... gamble for more points. One person won over 10,000 points. Geez!

Random sites pop up on your screen for 25 seconds (you can visit longer if you'd like). You can check out their site/content and give a thumbs up or thumbs down vote, add the site to your BlogMad favorites, block sites, etc. And for a limited time you can double credits for each site you visit. Who doesn't like two for the price of one? Especially when it's free! Go. Go on. Check it out.

I know some of you already know... Surfing's easy. Lurking's easy. Neither requires a lot of effort on my part... if I can sit up long enough. So if you see me lurking about and not commenting don't take it personally. Sometimes just lifting my arms to type hurts my head/neck/shoulders. Then I tense up and cause even more pain. So I'll get around to reading your blogs. I'll comment and even post when I can. I just have to take it day by day. Thank you for being kind, patient and encouraging. Honestly you don't know how much your words mean to me!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Did I ever tell you about the time I was diagnosed?

I began suffering from severe headaches at 13. The summer before 8th grade. My family doctor couldn't figure them out. My vision was fine. Better than 20/20. Neither Tylenol nor Advil relieved the pain. He referred me to a neurologist. He was an idiot. He did several exams and tests. He didn't believe my headaches were physiological, but psychological. He used me as a guinea pig. He prescribed so many pills I can't remember them all. My parents used to have a list. Wish they still did! He prescribed Haldol for me. Haldol! Of course at 13 I had no idea what that was, but now... after my nursing experience... I know the medication. I know what it is. I know who takes it. I know the side effects and reactions. Haldol! I only remember two things about that medicine before my parents demanded he take me off that drug.

I remember one evening my mom leaving the house. She told me she'd be right back. She had to meet someone because they couldn't find our house. I was by myself. No big deal. I'd been home alone millions of times. Okay. Fine. Apparently she was gone way too long. I got on my bike and rode over to my grandma's house (which was just a street over) and pounded on her door. I was frantic. Where was my mom? "Grandma, have you seen Mom? Is she here? She's not home yet." My grandma urged me to stay. But I refused. "I've got to find Mom. I can't find her." I rode my bike back home. Locked it up. Went inside. Laid back down. (So much for worrying about my mom!) Not knowing what just took place or that my mom was gone for only moments. Crazy!

The second thing I'm not sure I remember it happening. I can kinda place it, but it's kinda fuzzy. But my parents sure remember... I was getting ready for bed. I told my parents good night and turned to go to my bedroom. I turned right into the wall. BAM. Backed up. Laughed. Looked at my parents and did it again and again and again. My parents were terrified. But apparently I was one happy lark ;)

Needless to say the medicine was stopped. He did a spinal tap as a last resort type of deal. Voila! My opening pressure was three times the normal pressure. I remember him making the comment, "Well, it doesn't make any sense. She has no other symptoms besides the head aches." At the time I was diagnosed Pseudotumor Cerebri was pretty rare. Especially at 13 and physically fit. Most cases were diagnosed in women in their early to late 20's and 30's and significantly overweight. Most suffered from loss of vision and only mild headaches. I've never been "text book". I'm that way with several problems I face today. My system's just screwy. I've been told by two doctors that they still use me as a case study with their students and interns. Wish I could charge for that ;)

So... the worthless idiot referred me to a neurosurgeon. Another idiot! He refused to believe the spinal tap results and tried to convince my parents I was having psychological problems. He told them I was being sexually abused and my headaches were a symptom of the abuse. The entire time he kept giving my daddy the evil eye. My daddy is really my step-dad. But he's been more of a father to me than my real father. He's been my daddy since I was three years old. And he's never hurt me. And I never told the doctors that he had. They never asked me. They just assumed and that Daddy was the cause of my headaches.

The doctor reluctantly did another spinal tap telling my parents it was "a waste of time" because I didn't have symptoms of Pseudotumor. The doctor did the spinal tap. Surprise! My opening pressure was almost 500 mm H2O. Normal opening pressure is 50 - 180 mm H20! He was shocked and somewhat disappointed I'm sure. He didn't want to believe the results stating, "Lumbar Punctures aren't always accurate." (Which I now know is a lie!) He scheduled ANOTHER tap.

That tap was my second worse tap ever. (My worst tap was right after surgery to remove an infected LP shunt. The doctor had to do the tap right where my incision was. He tried once and failed. He left and came back to try and fail again... but made it on his third attempt. The other resident with him walked to the other side of the bed and grabbed my hand to comfort me as I was trying so hard to relax and not cry and flinch from the pain. Did you know that if you move the wrong way when the needle's in it can snap and well, that's all she wrote.) The doctor was very rude. (And I remember him being pretty darn yucky to his little red headed nurse.) He tried and failed and tried and failed and tried... He tried almost a dozen times (without numbing! I prefer taps without the numbing anyway, but I sure could have used it that day!) but couldn't get the needle in the spinal sack. I can still remember the pain I was in that day. My mom was in the room with me holding my hand. Her tears kept falling on my hand. My mom asked several times if he could stop. Finally the nurse convinced him. Kinda funny... a phlebotomist can't attempt to draw blood more than twice!

Our family friend (a surgeon) gave us a referral to a neurosurgeon at Cleveland Clinic. He believed me and the two spinal tap results! In October 1989 I had my first of many LP Shunts. I still giggle everytime I see a hospital id band. My surgeon was Arno Fried (pronounced freed). My band said "Kimberly ______ Fried". When I saw that after surgery I thought I had been fried. HA!

That my friends is how it all started. 17 years and 20+ surgeries, 30+ spinal taps, 8 ventricular taps, 5 bilateral greater occipital nerve steroid injections, 8 additional diseases/illnesses and hundreds of thousands of medical bills later... here I am. In pain every single day. Most days an 8 on a scale of 10 (ten being the worst pain)... Never below a 5. Thankful for every day that I have!

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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Is she not the cutest?! Everytime I watch it I worry she's going to burn herself and am always relieved she's okay. And I've watched this a dozen times. (I told you I watch things back to back all. the. time.)

Friday, March 17, 2006

Friday Funny... St. Paddy's Style ;)

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up drinkin me Irish Whiskey".

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I just found one."


Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."


O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

"I understand my son," says the priest "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."


Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"


Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher.

"They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney.

"Where are ye callin' from?"


An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

You Are Apple Green

You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you.
And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive.
You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way.
Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.

Your Irish Name Is...

Roisin O'Leary

You're 15% Irish

You're not Irish. Not even a wee bit.
Not even on St. Patrick's Day!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Thirteen things about Kimmy... buckle up!

1. I love KFC's mashed potatoes and gravy. Really it's just the gravy... liquid sodium.

2. I have watched the movie Big hundreds of times. When I was sick and missed most of 8th grade I would start the movie in the morning, watch it entirely, stop/rewind and watch it all over again. All. day. long

3. I do that with most movies. If I like it I've seen it over and over and probably back to back.

4. I have a serious crush on this guy, and it started here. Back off Shelli!

5. I prefer peanut M&Ms to plain. And I love me some mint M&Ms. Why do they sell them during Christmas only?

6. I was a competitive swimmer for seven years and miss it.

7. I'm the one that watches swimming on tv.

8. I had Sally Jesse Raphael reading glasses in 7th grade.

9. I have a half brother, a half sister and a step-sister. (I guess that means I have one whole step.) I've always called them my brother and sisters.

10. I love a/c and must have it.

11. I'm addicted to my DVR and onscreen guide.

12. I'm thinking of growing my hair for Locks of Love. But my hair is a slow grower. Plus it's thinning and falling out. 10 inches will take awhile.

13. I love the automatic link. It is wonderful. A great time saver for me so I can get around to more T13's. Plus you're linked up real quick and in a hurry ;)
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Friday evening I swallowed my pain pills and muscle relaxants and talked myself into a wonderful evening. Jacob's school was having its annual Spring Carnival. And I couldn't make him miss another year because of me.

It was wonderful to see the excitement on his face. He was having the time of his life. Kids flocked to him like they always have. He's the life of the party. His kindness and humor and spirit... he reels 'em in.

I listened as his friends educated me on their girlfriends and school gossip. I learned that a fellow student had been suspended for the second timethis year for carrying a knife to school. They talked about it like it was no big deal. Like it was "normal" for this boy.

Jacob's known this boy since preschool. This little boy comes from a home in a wealthy neighborhood with both parents and an older brother. He was a sweet kid. I volunteered a lot in Jacob's kindergarten class and got to know this boy pretty well. He was friendly. He was funny. He was sweet and kind and somewhat shy. He and Jacob were buddies. He came to Jacob's birthday party... kid stuff.

Last year Jacob started coming home with stories about this boy. The boy started yelling at other kids, calling them names and hitting them. Several times Jacob came home telling me this boy "jumped" Jacob and other boys during recess basketball or football games because he didn't get his way. The recess monitor would make him stand beside her, but he'd continue to do bully every chance he got. Finally he had to stay in during recess.

That really shocked me. I wondered what was going on in his life for him to behave like that. Maybe something was going on at home. Something's wrong with this boy. Now he's bringing weapons to school.

Friday evening I learned that part if not all of the problem was due to his weight. Kids call him tubby number 1. Jacob's friends were laughing about it... not in a mean way... "Jacob's tubby number 5 which is good 'cause he's almost normal weight." (Jacob is a big boy. 5'4". He wears 32 30 pants and size 9 shoes. He's a big'n. He always has been.) Jacob puffs out his chest like it was the biggest compliment he's ever heard. I've tried to teach him that people can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to. And to not allow them to.

I know kids can be cruel. I know words hurt. I know it's easy to tell someone not to worry. I also know those words can stick around forever. And those words fester if they're not handled properly. It's been displayed in school shootings and suicides around the world for years. And now that same desperate cry for help is coming from a ten year old boy in Jacob's class.

A little boy has been made fun of by other kids. A little boy has been kicked almost daily by a girl in the lunch line. A little boy is so angry and hurt that he has turned away from his friends and classmates and has turned to weapons. And this frightens me. I am terrified of what this "situation" could lead to. I remember sitting and watching the tv for hours April 20, 1999 during the Columbine shootings. But this time it's personal.

It also upsets/disturbs me that the school has been so closed mouthed about it. The school did call a friend Friday to report the situation to her. Her son (Jacob's buddy) saw the knife the boy was carrying. He repeatedly told the boy not to take the knife out of his pocket. The school called to report that. And they should have. But I believe more must be done. Number one... parents need to talk with their kids. Unfortunately we all know a lot of parents don't do this. The school needs to reinforce and educate kids on a number of things... and encourage them to come forward if they're being bullied or heaven forbid see a fellow classmate with a weapon in or out of school. Jacob's little buddy told his mom he didn't want to tell on the boy. He even hesitated when she asked him what he would have done if it was a gun instead. Scary!

Jacob and I have talked. And talked. And talked. I've talked wiht him about school shootings and how they start because kids have been picked on. Just last week a local school uncoved another plot where several students were going to use shootings/killings as their revenge. I've been able to use that as a tool with Jacob. I hope others have.

Jacob's always been one to tell on kids. He can be a whiner. Even though it drives me nuts sometimes how he tells on kids... I'm thankful for it. He's always been "the big kid". And oddly enough he's been the one to get picked on or hit.

Apparently other kids use him to get out their frustrations. Or to boost their self esteem. And he's taken it. He's always been told not to hit back. Not only is it wrong to use violence to solve violence, but he's bigger and could really hurt someone. So he uses his words. Sometimes they're loud words and sometimes they're crying words and sometimes they're annoying words (to me). But it's always words.

Sunday evening he was outside playing football with a couple of boys (twin brothers). I hear him running up the steps crying. A loud, deep cry. A painful cry, but also a shocked cry. I quickly jump up because this cry is different from the usual whine. Jacob's holding his mouth, and I can see blood covering his teeth. He tells me his friend just punched him in the mouth over a football score. (These boys have a terrible family life. They are good boys and have the potential to be great. Sad.)

I walk outside with Jacob with so many things running through my mind. I see the boy standing in the yard with his brother See. Good kids. He didn't take off running. He waited for his punishment. These boys have lived down the street and have been friends with Jacob since kindergarten. They've heard every lecture from me at least once. And they've obviously learned I mean business.

My heart was racing. I couldn't decide what to do. Then all of a sudden I remembered what I told these boys the last time they punched Jacob. So I looked at Jacob and told him to punch the boy back. All three boys looked at me with big eyes. They were shocked. I see the puncher... about to become the punchee... gulp. Jacob asked if he could kick him instead. Which I think is precious. He's never thrown a punch before. He knows he can kick hard ;) (I know I just smiled at my son throwing a punch. I know.)

Jacob walked over to the boy (who stood there with his arms down. He was very brave.) and punched him in the chest knocking the boy down. The boy lays there for a second, grabs his chest and stands up. Then he looked right at me waiting for "it".
And I let him have it. I made them all listen.

"I'm sick of Jacob being your punching bag when things don't go your way. I'm sick of Jacob getting hit and having to take it just because he's bigger. I'm sick of Jacob being the punching bag. And he's sick of it, too. The next time you hit him Jacob might really hit you back and hurt you. He's got a lot of punches and kicks built up in there. And I'm ashamed of you _____. You're Jacob's best friend. He sticks up for you when other kids make fun of you, and this is how you treat him. Friends don't treat friends like that. Shame on you ______."

By this time the boy is fighting back tears. But he stood there and listened to every word. All three did. I told Jacob and the boy to shake hands and then sent the boy home. A little while later the brother had to go home. Jacob came in a little taller.

I asked him how he felt. Blah, blah, blah. He looked at me and grabbed his fist and said, "It kinda hurt. My knuckles popped when I punched him." What do I say? "Oh yeah. You're supposed to pop you knuckles before you punch." What? I've never thrown a punch. But more importantly... I'm giving my ten year old advice on how to throw a punch. (Can I blame that on my brain problem?)

Did you notice the mixed message? The first part of the weekend started with preventing (school) violence and ended up with me encouraging it. Although I see the difference. As a parent I want to protect my son. And if that means knockin' a kid on his hind end to get him to stop physically hurting my son... then knock his lights out. But what did I teach? What did Jacob learn?

Monday, March 13, 2006

Haven't been feeling well. Here's a little somethin' about me ;)

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.
You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.
You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.
Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

And a little him.

Friday, March 10, 2006

I Just... Can't Decide.

No. I'm not spending money I don't have on these. I wouldn't spend money I did have on these.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Thirteen interesting but useless facts:

1. It takes an average of 345 squirts to get a gallon of milk from a cow's udder.

2. Americans use more than 16,000 tons of aspirin a year.

3. Every square inch of the human body has an average of 32 million bacteria on it.

4. The five favorite U.S. school lunches nationwide, according to the American School Food Service Association, are, in order, pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, burritos and hamburgers.

5. The District of Columbia has one lawyer for every 19 residents.

6. If you are afraid you might die laughing, you are suffering from cherophobia.

7. Before 1859, baseball umpires sat behind home plate in rocking chairs.

8. The highest known score for a single word in competition Scrabble is 392. In 1982, Dr. Saladin Khoshnaw achieved this score for the word "caziques," which means "Indian chief."

9. "Sherbet" is Australian slang for beer.

10. Rome has more homeless cats per square mile than any other city in the world.

11. Half the peanuts grown in America are used for peanut butter.

12. An old custom in Holland was the basis of our modern piggy banks. At the beginning of the year, children were given pig-shaped earthenware containers (known as "feast pigs") to save their pennies in. The following Christmas, they got to open them.

13. President Chester Arthur was the only president to ever hold a garage sale on the White House lawn.


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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Pieces of Me

It's raining. I'm still hurting. And the weather isn't helping. Any precipitation or change in the barometric pressure effects my headaches and pain all over.

I wanted to explain my illnesses more instead of just throwing them out there, but it looks like that's exactly what's going to happen. Maybe that's good. It's less emotional to just blurt it out than to really discuss it. I'll do that later. I'll explain it all and tell you how it all came about.

To read about my diseases and illnesses won't help you understand me. Since the age of 13 I've been a case study. I don't fit the "type". I am not a text book case. In most cases I go against everything listed. Some symptoms are "mild headaches" whereas mine are debilitating. That's just the beginning. And I can't get into it right now.

So here's the list: my primary diagnosis is Pseudotumor Cerebri. I also suffer from (either separately or due to PTC): Arnold Chiari Malformation, Greater Occipital Neuralgia, TMJ, Fibromyalgia, Peripheral Neuropathy, Polycystic Ovaries, IBS and Osgood-Schlatter Disease. Now if that's not a jumbled mess of icky feel-bads...

There. Now you have it. Do with it what you may. Feel free to take a few off my hands. Just listen when I say... not one is fun!

I'll talk more about some later. You'll need to hear the whole story to understand better. Another day. Aren't you excited? Right.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006


Received bilateral injections this morning. The numbing didn't last at all. In quite a bit of pain all over, and the injection sites are pretty painful. My sister told me he really had to move the needle around a lot. She made a digging and twisting motion after he left the room... so that kinda explains the pain.

I think I've decided to have the nerve cut. The doctor says there's a 70% chance some if not most of the pain in my head/neck/shoulders will be relieved if not totally eliminated. There's a 30% chance it won't change a thing. If that's the case he can surgically attach a nerve stimulator... but I'd have to have multiple surgeries later to change the batteries. From a girl who's had more than 20 operations... and 12 of those in a three year period... no thank you.

I discussed the operation with Jacob. He kept his head down the whole time, and I could see the disappointment and worry on his face. When I told him there's a chance a lot of my pain could go away, he looked up at me with the biggest eyes full of hope and excitement, "Then you need to do it. If it will make you feel better. That's cool." How precious is he? I know he suffers right along with me every day. And that's not fair for anyone... especially a kid. He's been dealing with this since he was three. He deserves a break, too.

I'll try to post more later. Just can't make it through right now. Thanks again for all the well wishes and emails of encouragement and support. You guys rock! Don't give up on me... I'll be around soon, I hope, to boost your stats. You can count on me. Isn't it obvious?! Well, unless your life depends on it or you're my employer or you need help with physical labor or... :p


So... the pain's been pretty intense. I'm going to my neurologist this morning for a scheduled visit. I'll be receiving bilateral injections in my greater occipital nerve. I'm looking forward to the numbing that takes place in the back of my head/neck for a few hours after the procedure. I hope it happens this time. Last time it didn't work out that way... I ended up experiencing some yucky side effects. But that's a story for another day.

Just wanted to let you know I'm still here. I'll let you know how things go. If I post soon you'll know all about it. If not... let's just not think about that. Enjoy your day. And remember... It's hard out here for a pimp!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Once upon a time I felt great.

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Friday, March 03, 2006

Thank You! (Enjoy a Friday Funny)

(Blogger was so crazy Thursday. I tried to get around to visit, but the pages wouldn't load and the few that did I couldn't comment. It seems to be working right now, but I'm not feeling well enough to stay on-line. So I'm sorry I didn't get to you.)

You've made me cry. Again. The past few days have been very emotional for me. You know those days. When you just feel sorry for you. And I think blogging about "me" really opened the flood gate.

It's so easy for me to pretend that I'm okay. I don't want people to worry or know how "bad" it really is or think I'm a whiner. So "okay" and "fine" is how I answer the, "How are you?" question.

To answer a few questions that you've asked:

No, we're not on food stamps. Get this... I'm $60 over the limit. I receive $60 too much a YEAR to qualify for ANY help. No food stamps. No help with housing. No help with child care costs. Jacob is now receiving reduced lunch at school. I "make" $19 a YEAR too much for free lunch. Isn't that crazy? Jacob is on the states children insurance, but I pay $35 a month.

I'm on Medicare now. Yup. Just like my grandma. I was on Medicaid, too, but since the changes with Medicare I'm no longer eligible. Plus, when I was on Medicaid I was on the "Spend Down" program. Which meant, again, I made too much money. WHERE IS ALL THIS MONEY I HAVE? I had to meet a MONTHLY deductible of $525 before Medicaid would pick up the tab. $525 a MONTH. Not a year. My prescriptions alone were over $400... and I can't go without them. Ya know... people are on disability for a reason. And it's not because the money's great or the road is easy!

It's been extremely difficult. I've been on disability for almost four years. It's been a struggle every single day. And before that it was no picnic. I tried so hard not to miss work, but some days I had no choice. The pain was so intense I had to call in. I would be off work for months at a time recovering from surgery after surgery. (I had 13 operations from 1999 to 2002).

My parents have helped so much. They were my "paycheck" for months during surgeries and before I was approved for disability. But now... Mom's been off work for 6 months... with no pay. Daddy just retired from the military in January and is bringing home half the income he was before. Plus they have to pay for Mom's insurance which is $1200 a month. So it's not so easy for them right now either.

It's been hard. But I have so much faith. I know God will take care of me. He has every single day of my life and hasn't let me down. And I know he won't.

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and encouragement and advice. You have truly touched my heart. May God bless you and keep you.

I will post about my illnesses. It's going to be very lengthy and emotional (for me). Can you tell I'm avoiding?

Friday Funny

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their sessions, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would move to Italy and secretly have the child. If she would raise the child he would pay child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the child was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write spaghetti on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today."
"Oh, just give it to me, and I will explain it later," he said.
The wife did it and watched her husband read the card, turn white and faint. On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs and one without.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Where would I be without you?

(And what would 1977 be without those glasses?)

Thursday 13 #9

Thirteen items on my computer desk:

1. Two pen/pencil holders. Both crammed full. Why?

2. Two tubes of Carmex. Just two?

3. Small lamp

4. One tube of Sonoma Valley Hand Therapy from Crabtree and Evelyn. The best!

5. 9 picture frames. Plus two pictures propped on other frames.

6. Three calculators

7. Two note cubes, one post-it, one small pad of paper

8. Extra tv remote. Because I'm too lazy to move two feet.

9. Two letter openers. One staple remover.

10. Wite Out... pen and bottle. Glue Stick. Antique tape dispenser.

11. Happy Tiki my sister brought back from Hawaii.

12. File folders and holder.

13. BILLS! (and one bottle of Lortab!)

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006


We're so broke. Nothing but $6.17 in the bank. Period. Nothing to fall back on in case of an emergency. Then again, my entire life is one big emergency. My income has dropped considerably since I've been on disability. Jacob's father is thousands behind in child support... which happens all the time. He catches up and continues to pay for a few months then stops. But he doesn't just take a week or two off. No. When he stops paying he doesn't start again until we go to court and the judge warns him, "You're in contempt. You let this happen one more time you're going to jail." Jacob's 10. Never once in those 10 years has he gone to jail. Not that I want him there. I want him to work and pay support. If anyone's going to jail I want it to be me. Three hot meals a day. No bills. Free cable. A new group of people... okay. So maybe that's not a bonus. But it does sound nice to have no worries for a little while.

I get "paid" on the third of every month. Last month I spent $275 at the grocery store the very day the check was deposited in my account. We were out of everything. My parents had to buy milk and bread for us several times because we didn't have a thing. I barely had enough money to pay my bills last month. Right now I'm looking at a huge stack of bills that need to be mailed, but I haven't had the money to buy the stamps. 2 cent stamps. Not 39 cent stamps. 2 cents.

I'm watching Snickers scratch herself so much that it hurts me. She's on three medications and sees the vet at least once a month. I can hardly afford that. I can't afford the special diet or the blood tests they want to run. But I'm gonna have to do it. I can't let her suffer. I can't get rid of her because (even though she's technically Jacob's) she's my girl. We spend every waking moment together locked up inside this house. She was an answered prayer when I found her. She knows how badly I hurt and will lay so close to me, but not touch. She curls her fat little body around my head and neck because she can sense the intense pain. And she's suffering everyday as well.

Jacob's going through another growth spurt (which is why we have no food in the house!). He's in 4th grade and is 5'3" and weighs 120 pounds. He's solid as a rock and is stronger than most 7th graders. He's growing out of his jeans. His shoes are too small. He already wears a size 9 in men!!!!!!! He's wearing undershirts that are three sizes too small. Seriously. They're the same undershirts he's had since the beginning of 3rd grade. They are teeny tiny. They fit him like half shirts. They're stained and no longer white but way off-white. But he says it's okay because nobody sees them.

An angel came to my door today to give us money from her Sunday School class. She goes to my church and tries to collect money for us every month. They are obedient and faithful servants. I wouldn't make it without their help. Just two months ago the furnace went out. An old furnace that is on its last leg. The guy that cleans our furnace told me in November he wasn't sure it would make it through the winter. I don't have $3000 to buy a new one. I'm trusting God to get me through.

The very night the temperature dropped from 60+ degrees down to the low 20s the furnace quit. Thankfully my parents live just a street away so we were able to stay with them (What ever would I do without my parents?) The guy came to fix the furnace the next morning and spent two and a half hours trying to clean it and rig it so it would work just a little while longer. He even reduced the charge because he knows money's tight. He took more than $60 off the bill... giving me a total of $90. Guess how much the angel dropped off? $100. $100! I happily handed over the cash and told him to buy lunch with the change.

We're just broke. I'm not telling you this for any sympathy at all. I don't want sympathy. I don't need it. It's not gonna do me any good. I'm just telling you this because God is so faithful and good. And because I was able to go to Target tonight and buy laundry detergent and cleaning supplies that we've been out of for weeks. (You should see the mountain of clothes. Thank goodness Jacob has a lot of old t-shirts, huh?!) But... here's the good part. I bought a pair of olive green pants for $5.74 and a long sleeve v-neck for $2.98. Clearance rocks! And I bought this and this. Jacob and I spent an hour infusing our lips (I'm not kidding... we couldn't stop wetting our lips with that cold little ballbearing of yummy goodness) and blowing bubbles. We had a bubble blowing contest so long that my jaws are killing me, and my head's about to burst. But it was so much fun. And worth the pain. (And before you think I'm a bad mom for buying clothes for me and not Jacob... number 1 the entire outfit cost me $8.72! and we're going to Kohl's... with a big sale (shocker) and an extra 30% off coupon. Believe me. He's taken care of!)

(I'll write a post about my "disability" soon. I've just been putting it off. Partly because it's going to take so long, but mostly because I don't want you to feel like I'm a big whiner looking for your sympathy. Because that's not the case at all.)