Friday, May 05, 2006

Friday Funny... Nurse Appreciation Style!

(I haven't been feeling well. The pain's still pretty intense with no signs of relief. I'll try to post and visit you later. To my fellow nurses... Happy (early) Nurses Day!)




Three old ornery grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

An old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it."

One of the ornery grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your under shorts and we can tell your exact age."

So embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers. The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!"

The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How in the world did you guess that?"

The ornery old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in unison,

"Because you told us yesterday"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A male patient is lying in bed in hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure.

A young student nurse arrives, to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.
Then, she takes a close look and says,"There's nothing wrong with them sir."

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely...
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.

She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use
an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out! He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing.

After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having
their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation".

(Note: Never Tick Off a Nurse!)

21 Comments:

Blogger Renee said...

I really enjoyed the carnation joke. That was a good one.

I'm sorry to see that you are still in pain. I pray that you are feeling better soon.

I thought you might enjoy my TT from last week...I interviewed my pets. This week I'm letting bloggers interview my DD.

I hope you're up to visiting soon.

12:32 AM  
Blogger Marv said...

this never fails!!! Ha.ha.h.ha..!!!! thanks for the laugh!!!

12:39 AM  
Blogger Bar Bar A said...

I hope your are out of pain soon! Tahnks for the laughs.

3:11 AM  
Blogger monica said...

Oh my. So glad we don't have to wear those. LOLOL... I'm studying to be one... does that count???

7:24 AM  
Blogger Reverberate58 said...

Glad to know your still around!Sorry the pain is so bad. Thanks for the laughs. I shared with the hubby! Get well soon.

8:03 AM  
Blogger novaks8 said...

Been thinking of you.
Sorry it is still bad.

Nurses are great arent they?

I should have been a nurse.

9:06 AM  
Blogger mommyof4 said...

I hope you feel better soon!!! They were very funny!

9:08 AM  
Blogger Chana said...

i needed those laughs more than you will ever know...oh thank you, they were good....

Happy Nurses Day to you my friend...

I am very sorry to hear you feel so much pain...isn't there anything they can do? Does that doc know how much you suffer? Maybe your dad or mom can go and talk to him and explain how bad it really is...maybe he's not paying much attention....i wish their was something i could do...

hugs...

11:03 AM  
Blogger Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

Gosh, I hope your pain subsides soon. I just don't know how you handle all of that.

The girls say hi to Snick and for you to feel better soon.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

HA! Loved the "old man" joke. Always the funny one aren't you Kimmy? :)

Hope you get to feeling better girl.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I am sending this to my dad! He is a nurse. lol.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Thsoe are TERRIBLE. Terrible, terrible, terrible. And I am laughing SO HARD anyway.

Thanks.

I'm SO sorry that you're not feeling better. You've been in my thoughts and prayers.

4:51 PM  
Blogger stacey said...

Those are hilarious!
I'm so sorry that you're still in so much pain. I'm praying for you...

8:33 PM  
Blogger FRIDAY'S CHILD said...

That was funny. Like the first one most. The grandpa thing.

10:42 PM  
Blogger Shelli said...

Man, I miss you girl! Hope you are feeling better soon.

11:27 PM  
Blogger HanktheDog said...

Thanks much for the laugh

10:13 PM  
Blogger Cheerio's on my butt? said...

Soo funny! How ya feeling?

9:59 AM  
Blogger LadyBugCrossing said...

My mom is a nurse, Love these!! They are terrific! Thanks for the chuckle... Hope you feel better soon.
LBC

10:49 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

OMG! I just laughed so hard I scared my cat! LOL

12:57 PM  
Blogger Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

The chihuahuas and I hope you are feeling better!

11:44 PM  
Blogger monica said...

I'm still working on my site, but I've moved!! Find me, here. :)

Cheers,
Kdubs

7:15 AM  

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