Friday, May 19, 2006

Friday Funny!

(Two emails that crack me up!)

Never question a drunk...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
placed the items in front of the cashier. While the
cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since
she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on
the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on
earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly."

******
Gotta love drunk people...

A man, and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a
loudpounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!" He

slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, Please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

HA!

23 Comments:

Blogger monica said...

Oh I played! Mine is sort of a picture funny but I joined you. Go see!

This was great by the way.

Cheers,
K
http://kdubsblog.com/

7:36 AM  
Blogger The Green Family said...

hahahahahaha...I think I know that second guy!

8:33 AM  
Blogger Raivyn said...

Those are great! The first is my favorite. :D

8:53 AM  
Blogger mar said...

Ha,ha! great jokes, followed from kdub's. Happy friday!

9:08 AM  
Blogger FrogLegs said...

laughter is a good, good thing. :) Have a great weekend! We're back for a day, leave again tonight or early tomorrow.

10:27 AM  
Anonymous froggirl5794 said...

got to the love the drunks. hehe. glad you had a good mama's day. loved jacobs stuff. love your sis

11:34 AM  
Blogger Reverberate58 said...

LOL On the swing!!!!! Good one Kimmy. Made my day!

12:09 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

so funny. :) i like the second one best. how are you feeling? i'm assuming not any better, or you'd have told us. you're still in my prayers.

12:50 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

good ones...thanks for the laugh :D

2:21 PM  
Blogger Virenda said...

LOL. Thanks I can use the laugh.

The first one I've heard before and it still makes me smile.

Your ugly and that's funny---Happy Bunny.

7:18 PM  
Blogger Bar Bar A said...

THOSE were great! I had never heard either one, which is pretty rare! Good job.

7:50 PM  
Blogger oshee said...

I hadn't heard either of those before. They were very funny!

1:42 AM  
Blogger Lena said...

OK, I emailed that first joke to EVERYONE I know. Thank you for the pick-me-up

...off-the-floor-I'm-so-stressed. ;)

6:18 PM  
Blogger iiq374 said...

Amusing enough to draw a wry smile :)

3:49 PM  
Anonymous A fellow blogger said...

Thanks for the laugh I needed it.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

lol, mean as it is, I love the first one!

9:11 PM  
Blogger Chana said...

funny...lol...thanks for the chuckles....how ya doing? hope you are doing better...hugs

1:12 PM  
Blogger FrogLegs said...

Just thinkin' about ya.....

7:06 PM  
Blogger One Scrappy Gal said...

Hhahaha the first one cracked me up!!!

8:06 AM  
Blogger kate said...

haha loved the second one!

thank you for checking out my blog. I love your layout, the background is very cute :)

5:33 PM  
Blogger stacey said...

just dropping a line to let you know that you and Jacob are in my thoughts. I hope you feel better soon and are able to come back to blog land.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

LOL Love the jokes, especially the last one. Cracked right up! Stacie

4:18 PM  
Blogger FrogLegs said...

More thoughts still..... Happy Holiday weekend

11:42 AM  

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