Friday, November 03, 2006

Happy Birthday, Jacob!!!!

Eleven years ago. And I remember every moment. I remember the night before you were born I didn't get home from nursing school until after 10 o'clock at night. I'd been in school most of the day. And I was exhausted. But I stayed up to watch ER. Come on. George Clooney and Anthony Edwards. The explanation stops there.

I remember not going to bed until midnight or so, but you woke me up before 3 a.m. Soon after my water broke, I called Mamaw and Papaw, the contractions were less than two minutes apart and off to the hospital we went... for the longest day of my life.

The first few hours were okay. I walked the halls trying to get things going. But then the problems started. The cord wrapped around your neck several times. With every contraction we'd lose your heart beat. I was hooked up to so many tubes and IVs and monitors and wires I couldn't move. Your oxygen level kept decreasing and the oxygen mask I was wearing didn't seem to help you.

I tried to relax. I knew we were both in God's hands. And what a wonderful place to be. After 14+ lllllooooooonnnnnnnggggggggg hours of LA.BOR and 3 (useless) bags of pitocin and only one small shot of Nubain just an hour before...

I remember the nurse ran out to get the doctor. He was calmly but frantically trying to get a neurosurgeon to assist him due to my LP shunt. As he stood over my bedside trying to explain the need for an emergency c-section, but not knowing if he would be able to give me an epidural (because of the shunt) or... And right in the middle of his "or" I grabbed him by his expensive little tie, wrapped it around my fist while I pulled him down to my face and said (in a not so gentle voice), "You knock me out."

Two plus hours later I woke up in recovery. The doctor told me you were stuck in my pelvic bone, and he literally had to pull you out. I mean he had to get up on the table to pull you out. He said it was like a vacuum and after a loud POP he was able to pull you out. (I always think of the Lollipop song there... "POP a boom, boom boom" :p) You ripped and permanently wounded things that didn't belong to you, but I immediately forgave you!

A male nurse told me I had a beautiful and healthy baby boy, and he asked me what I was going to name you.
"Jacob Michael."
"Oooh! My name's Michael. Did you name him after me?"
"My brother, Michael." And then I fell asleep... and I'm sure some drooling was involved.

As soon as woke up and wiped the drool off they wheeled me from recovery to our room. When the door opened to the birthing center a crowd of people lined both sides of the hall. Suddenly I recognized all the faces. All of our family and friends stayed for hours to witness the moment I would first meet you.

That one small moment... a fraction of a second has given me the greatest and grandest memory of my life. I felt like I took all of you in instantly yet couldn't discover enough.

I've been in love with you from the moment I heard the words, "Kimmy, you're pregnant". I haven't been able to take my eyes off you. You are my heart. You are my life. And I love you more than anything in this world. And will continue to love you more each day, though it seems impossible to love you more.

How can anyone question the existence of God? He gave me the most wonderful gift. And that gift is too perfect to come from nothing. Too pure to come from a former used life. Too beautiful to be anything but God's gift.

Thank you God for trusting me with the most amazing boy I know... my Jacob Michael.

"i carry your heart"
by ee cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)


Blogger Chana said...

Happy Birthday to a wonderful and handsome and ohh soo cool cutie!

How Bless your mother is to have given birth to you. How Bless you are to have been born to her.

Here is to a wonderful day!

1:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!!!!!!

I have been praying for you.


3:58 AM  
Blogger Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

Awwww. What a sweet little tribute. Happy Birthday Jacob!

I've been praying for you guys too. In fact just the other day I caught myself thinking how cool it was that I was praying for "Snickerdoodle's Mommy" and God knew just who I was talking about.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Happy Birthday to your son
I have had all my babies by c-section
the 1st was an emergency
and after being told I had 10% chance of having babies "naturally" I opted to have my boys by c-section too
I wasnt knocked out though :)
Hope your son has a happy day

9:37 PM  
Blogger monica said...

OMG the poem made me bawl. I love cummings. :( I love this Kimmy. Hugs to your boy.

8:35 PM  
Blogger ...jus me said...

Happy Birthday Jacob! You are growing into such a handsome young man! Thank you so much for taking care of your Mom. You are a good son. Kimmy is indeed lucky, and so are you! God Bless you!

5:09 PM  
Anonymous Drib said...

Sweet Kimmy, sweet.

Looks like a fine young man.

10:08 AM  
Blogger FrogLegs said...

Aww.. I got teary eyed!! *sniff* Happy belated birthdya-- I'm so bad, I've not been visiting- but please know I love you both!

6:25 PM  
Blogger Veronika said...

Awh, what a wonderful tribute to Jacob. He is truly a gift from God. I've been thinking of you both for a while now, and thought I'd stop by-
Happy Birthday, Jacob!

12:35 AM  
Blogger It's a FLIP-FLOP World said...

What a tribute to your dear son I love his middle name (it is my husband's name too)!! I am so happy to see you on here if just for this one time. I have written to you but knew that you might not write back. I am so hoping that you are all right!! I am so happy that you have a big 11 year old to help his mamma out when he needs her so bad. Miss you blogging..Sandy

5:24 PM  

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