Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Dear (blogger) Abby,

I have a heavy heart, and I need your advice. I usually think advice is for receiving permission for the feelings I'm having. Isn't that why we sometimes ask for advice, honestly? We wait to hear what we want... and the person that said it is the one that's "right". But this time I really do want your advice. I need you to tell me what to do. (You're welcome :P)

I have a "friend" that's getting married in a few short weeks. I say "friend" because I'm not really sure that's what we are anymore.

This "friend" was my world. We were friends for a decade. We'd known each other in high school (we went to different high schools), but we weren't friends. The summer we graduated high school she and I both worked at the same camp. And from that moment on we were best friends. After college we were inseparable. There was hardly a day that went by that we didn't see each other. And absolutely never a day without speaking. She was like an aunt to Jacob. They adored each other. He loved her so much.

About a year after I was placed on disability (around 2003) things changed between us. And it wasn't because I was sick. This girl took care of me surgery after surgery. I mean of me! She lived in my house, cooked, cleaned, helped take care of Jacob, waited on me, cleaned up after me, wiped up after I was violently ill, woke up in the wee hours of the morning to take care of my IV/ PICC line, prayed for/with me and just sat up with me when I couldn't sleep.

She was no stranger to my illness. She had been there from spinal surgeries to brain operations. From having to make sure I didn't get out of bed or lift my head/body more than 5 degrees to washing the dried blood from the incisions off of my shaved head. She was my rock!

Suddenly... and I mean suddenly! things felt different. She didn't come over as often. We didn't talk on the phone. We would see her once a week for an hour if we were lucky. Then nothing.

I haven't talked to her for almost four years. We have seen each other in Target a few times, but nothing other than that. I wrote her a letter once telling her how I felt. She replied with three sentences. Nothing more. Ever.

Until... once a few years ago she invited Jacob and me to go out to eat with her family for her birthday. (We didn't go... I was too sick and Jacob already had plans.) Then in August she knocked on my door.

She came in, and we chit chatted. It was a little uncomfortable... awkward. After about a half hour of small talk she told me she wanted to talk about something. Finally... I thought.

She met someone online and was getting married. She said she wanted to be the one to tell me and not have me hear it from someone else. Hmm... not at all what I expected.

Then I received my wedding invitation. So did my parents. And my second family. (My twin from another mother, Brandi, and her family!) Weird! We... NONE OF US... had heard from this friend in for.ever. They were cut off when I was cut off! My mom and I received a bridal shower invitation. We didn't go. I wasn't feeling well that weekend. And honestly, it was the day of the shower before I realized it.

Now the wedding's upon us, and I'm torn. I'm torn between the girl I used to know and the one that is today.

Are we friends? Because I no longer thought we were. And not that I didn't want or NEED her friendship. She chose it, not me!

And if we are friends... where was she when my daddy and Jacob's papaw (his "Buddy") was fighting a war in Afghanistan? Where was she when my mom and Jacob's mamaw was so ill that we thought we were going to lose her? Where was she when I... Jacob's mommy... had brain operation number 8, 9 and 10? Where? Because I never needed her more?!

I don't understand why that now she's getting married we're suddenly friends. And though I really don't want to believe it, but maybe she just wants the gift. I mean... the last time she contacted me was for her birthday. I want to believe she just wanted to share that time with us. But like I said... she's not the same girl I knew and loved.

I'm so confused. Truly hurt and confused. I want to go. I want to be there and witness her wedding day. I want to show her how much she means to me. But I also can't handle another broken heart! And I don't want that for Jacob, either.

Can you help me? What do I do? What do you think? Help me, friends! Please pray for this situation!


Blogger Kim said...

It's truly sad when such a close friend becomes so distant and that friendship is lost.

Perhaps she's missed you and this is her way of reaching out. It seems awful selfish if she's only contacting you again to get a know her, is that what she's really like?

I don't know/understand why she suddenly backed off from your friendship...and if she doesn't want to address that, maybe she's not looking to get back what was lost.

If you really miss having her in your life, I think it's worth trying to clear the air again...and if it doesn't work, then it wasn't meant to be.

good luck with however you choose to handle this situation.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Alana said...

My friend, there was something missing from this story (in my mind). I'm not sure if you left it out or if it never happened. I'm a big on one this. Did you ever go to her and ask what was up? I mean, sometimes you have to corner people, state the painfully obvious, and wait/pray/hope that they will be honest in their answer.

I'm thinking there must have been some sort of misunderstanding, miscommunication, or misperception on her part?

I can't figure it, but I think it sounds like the friendship (at one time) was worth doing this.

It also sounds like to me (in your heart of hearts) you really want to mend this relationship.

Ask her over for dinner or out for coffee and get down to the nitty gritty. What do you have to lose?

I will pray for you in this!

Love ya!

5:00 PM  
Blogger Flip Flop Floozie said...

Kimmy, i agree with the one thing that Alana said..Ask her over for dinner or out for coffee and get down to the nitty gritty!! You know i really hate confrontation but sometimes when it finally happens then it just clears everything up!! Something had had to have happened and maybe or i think you are just unaware of this!! You need to find out what it is so that you can feel comfortable and your conscience will also feel clear.
Let us know what you decide to do!! I am not sure what is going to be bad IF you decide to go to the wedding. It is just a wedding...what harm can come of your going? Sandy

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Slick said...

Yuck Kimmy....

Sorry girl, there's no way I'd know what to do in this situation.

If you no longer consider her a close friend, I'd say go to the wedding only if you're up to it and want to.

5:47 PM  

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